Love as strong as hearts of kyber
by myrishlace
Summary: Jyn knows toughness, grit, steel bars, cement walls. She's grown unaccustomed to softness, labeled it a luxury, and her past makes her wary of physical intimacy. But Cassian's different, and after Scarif, Jyn grows closer to him. Also there's an assist from Baze and Chirrut who are sick of these two mooning about. :)


Jyn's never been with a man. This isn't a fact she intends to share, it's simply a reality, an artifact of her past. She was a soldier in Saw's army until she was sixteen, and he kept his men in line. But Saw couldn't protect her all the time, and during her last two years in the unit, she learned to turn away from leers, ignored ugly, crude words muttered next to her cot, deflected unwanted touches. Jyn taught herself to threaten with a glare, and a knife. The knife mattered, and she made the glare count.

After Saw left her behind, she closed herself off completely. She was a runaway, and men were a complication she didn't need. It was practical to put that barrier up on the road, to brush off stuttering advances when she was just trying to get a goddamned drink in a bar.

Cassian's different, though, so different Jyn isn't quite sure what to do. Jyn pulls away from him after Scarif, after their improbable rescue, because she's grieving, they all are, especially since Bodhi didn't make it. Jyn also holds back because the emotional intensity she felt during those last minutes was raw and real. She felt like she could swim in it, open herself up and drown. After the adrenaline rush fades, she's not sure she can trust her emotions, and it's simpler to shove them aside. There's still a war on, after all.

Cassian respects her choice, and doesn't push her. He just asks her from time to time, in a quiet voice, "Are you all right?"

She's grateful. She's also hard-pressed to admit she misses him.

They start again, slowly. He brushes her hand, not quite a squeeze, before battle, before they suit up and her headset fills with static, call signs and barked orders.

A few weeks later, in a little-used section of the loading dock at the rebel base, Jyn's bent over, trying to catch her breath. Her side aches from a blow she took that threw her into the muck on the planet's surface. Cassian rounds the corner, helmet under his arm, trying to look for all the world like it's no big deal, he comes to this abandoned location frequently, he's just out for a stroll.

Jyn casts about for a sarcastic remark but she can't speak yet, so she gives him what she hopes is a curt nod.

"You have a knack for finding dirt and mud as soon as we land, you know that, right?" Cassian's tone is light, but she sees concern in his eyes. He walks over and puts his arm around her shoulders, holding her up, taking on some of her weight, like she did for him when they limped to the elevator.

"Mud," she wheezes.

"Hmm?" His face is next to hers, but he's not looking at her. She can feel how warm and solid he is, and see his dark hair out of the corner of her eye.

She points to his jacket, lets her hand drop. "Mud, you'll get mud on your clothes."

Cassian shrugs. "Occupational hazard."

"Of the war?"

"Of looking out for you."

"Don't need you to." She's pretty sure that's a lie, she's leaning into him now, breathing easier, and she doesn't want him to leave.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere," he says softly, almost as if he heard her last thought.

The next time the klaxon sounds and they're gearing up for a fight, when he brushes her hand, she catches his hand and squeezes back.

* * *

A month later, Cassian's hurt when he stumbles on uneven ground after a bomb explodes, twisting his ankle.

Jyn's furious as she bangs down the metal ladder. She'd heard the call for a medic over the comm, and an anguished sound from Cassian that reverberated in her ears, put her nerves on high alert. She charges through the crowd to find him sitting on a fuel drum, wincing. Baze and Chirrut are with him, which cools her anger slightly.

Jyn doesn't want to make a scene, and she knows all soldiers take risks, but how could he be so careless?

"How bad?" she says, keeping her voice steady.

Baze grunts. "He'll be fine. Maybe tell him not to walk into a minefield next time."

Jyn crouches so she's face-to-face with Cassian. She can see the sheen of sweat on his face, the creases on his forehead that indicate he's in serious pain.

"Why? Why did you do it?"

"It's good to see you too, Jyn." Cassian's smile is sweet enough that she loses her train of thought briefly.

"Tell me."

He closes his eyes. "There was a boy. A little boy. Right in the middle of the field. He wasn't going to make it out alive. I had to. I had to, Jyn."

She sighs because she knows he's right, she did the same back on Jedha, she would have done the same if she'd been with him.

"Just...just be careful, okay?" Baze had wandered off to find out what's taking the medic team so long, and Chirrut seems turned inward, smiling slightly. It's the closest they'll come to being alone.

Jyn watches Cassian's face spasm. She puts her hand on his shoulder, wishing she could bear this for him. The move throws him off balance, and he starts to slip off the drum. She catches him and pulls him towards her, tucking his head under her chin. She inhales his scent, and the rest of the crowd fades away as she feels an echo of their last moment on Scarif, when she held on tight to him and knew he was someone she could let herself love.

Jyn runs her fingers through his hair once, whispering in his ear. "Don't, Cassian. Don't leave."

Cassian hugs her back, turns his cheek so she's the only one who can hear him. "I won't. I promise, Jyn. I promise." Her heart beats faster at the intensity of his tone. They cling to each other for a few more minutes, until she feels someone tap her shoulder. Jyn lets a swarm of white-clothed medics take him away, feeling frustrated and useless. Her stomach rumbles, and she figures she should go fuel up on the bland porridge that passes for dinner at the base. It's a step up from prison food, though, and she's not particular about what she eats.

She's about to leave when Chirrut puts a hand on her arm. Jyn's pretty sure she'd sound crazy if anyone asked her to describe how she and Chirrut communicate. It's been this way from the beginning, since she first saw his black robe slashed with red in the marketplace and heard him call out to her. There's some kind of field that shimmers between them, lets her talk to him silently, in images and feelings and colors.

 _Sky blue. Safe. Nourish each other._

She sends a question back. _Grey, worry, past, fear, faint hope._

Chirrut nods, swings his staff in a tiny arc. _White, new, loyal, love._

That last feeling, love, suffuses her senses, clears her mind. She covers Chirrut's hand with her own, gratitude, and heads to the dining hall.

* * *

It's practically winter when they're marooned after a mission. The aircraft that was supposed to retrieve them got re-routed for an emergency. They're told it was needed as backup for rebels outgunned in another system. Cassian, Jyn, Baze and Chirrut can hardly argue with the choice, it's what saved their lives on Scarif. But the air isn't getting any warmer, and Jyn's starting to shake inside her jacket.

All four of them are used to sleeping on cold, hard ground. But Jyn's just recovered from a cough, and Cassian is coming off of eight straight nights of flying, so Baze hands over the one tent pack they have. He cuts off Jyn's protests. "You're no use to us sick. Get in there, both of you."

Jyn and Cassian have the tent set up in no time. Jyn feels one last gust of guilt when she looks at Chirrut settled in next to a boulder, but Baze glares at her and points, so she closes the tent flap. They're quiet as they get ready for bed. The tent's roomy, thankfully, but Jyn's acutely aware of how close Cassian is. Jyn finally switches off the lantern. She can hear the wind blowing over the sides of the canvas.

"Do you think the ship will make it?" Jyn wishes she could call the question back, but it hangs heavy in the air.

She waits a long moment for Cassian's reply. "I hope so. Maybe they'll get everyone, this time."

Jyn takes his hand in the dark. She knows he's thinking about Bodhi. She can feel the heat radiating from him. She rolls into his arms and he draws her closer, breathes with her, until she tips her face up, and brushes his lips.

He goes still, then rests his forehead on hers. His eyes are dark as coal, burning, asking, because Cassian would not take anything Jyn wouldn't give willingly. She brushes his lips again, and he runs his hands through her hair, and slowly, slowly lowers his mouth to hers, tracing her forehead, her cheeks, her neck with his lips. She feels heat coursing through her as he kisses her behind her ear, and lets out a small moan. "Cassian, I..." She doesn't know how to tell him that she wants him, badly, but she's scared, she may need to stop, she's not sure what she is and isn't ready for.

Cassian pulls back, caresses her cheek with his thumb. "Only what you want, Jyn." His voice is soft and he has the same open, loving expression she saw when he took her hand on the beach.

She relaxes, and reaches for him, kissing him eagerly now, thrilling at the noise he makes low in his throat when she opens her mouth to him. He stops her, gently, and she's confused. "What's wrong?"

He shakes his head, gives her a small, rueful smile. "Nothing, I just - you're beautiful, Jyn, I've wanted to see you like this for so long, can I - can I look at you, for a moment?"

Jyn sees her own feelings mirrored in his eyes, and she feels a final loosening in her chest, an expansion, _love_. She knows what they're about to do won't be any different than the connection they have constantly, how they instinctively cover each other, look out for each other, love each other.

Afterwards they fall asleep together, Jyn turned into his chest. Cassian's lips brush her hair, and for once in her life Jyn is not plagued by dreams.

* * *

Baze and Chirrut have already made coffee when Jyn and Cassian stumble out of the tent. She'd thought about staggering their exits, having Cassian leave first, but there's really no point in trying to hide. Besides, Jyn's pretty certain the two older men are wise to them.

Baze hands her a mug, and Jyn takes the first bitter, welcome sip. She holds the steaming cup between her hands, and inches closer to the fire. Cassian's leaning in to hear something Baze is telling him when the plane pierces the clouds. They break camp quickly, making sure to stamp out the flames. Cassian's on the ramp first, but he looks back for Jyn, extending his hand. She takes it, right there out in the open, and they pass through the door, heads bent together.

"Remember when I pulled that trick?" Chirrut nudges Baze. "Only one tent, when we got lost on that island?"

"We were never lost," Baze rumbles, but he rubs Chirrut's back affectionately. "Had to get those two together somehow."

"What did you tell him?"

"Cassian?" Baze grunts. "He hurts my little sister, I kill him. Simple."

Chirrut gives Baze the same enigmatic smile he's seen for fifteen years. "They are meant to be a pair. Stronger that way. The Force is with them."

Baze keeps himself from rolling his eyes, though he knows Chirrut's probably right. "Come on, I'm not sleeping here another night. Let's get on board before the pilot gives up on us."


End file.
